HELP WANTED:
Professional Mario Gamer looking for assistant to complete underwater level of Super Mario Brothers. Must be able to dodge squids and fish while swimming towards green tube. This position comes with flexible hours, benefits include starting level as Fire Mario. Call 555-SWIM for more information.
Advertising Critic wanted for new TV commercial review position. Must be able to watch at least two hours of television per day. Critic expected to make sarcastic, snarky, or otherwise funny disparaging comments about every ad spot during television commercial breaks. Overtime paid for continuing to discuss commercials during regular programming. Previous advertisement criticism required: we are looking for applicants with at least 20 years of experience in verbal critique.
Awkward white people needed for research study. Must be pale, gangly, and labeled as a nerd or wannabe hipster. Side effects of this experiment may include an unintended increase in coolness, tanning of the skin, and loss of uncomfortable body hair. Participants will receive $50 and be granted entrance to uppity nightclubs upon completion of the study.
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