_______ is really gassy today. I knew I should have take beano!
_______ loves the cock.
_______ dislikes everyone else's statuses.
_______ has facebook stalked you before.
_______ is watching some awesome porn while facebook chatting!
_______ just cut his toenails. They were getting really long!
_______ is seven and a half inches. Booyah.
_______ is fleeing the scene of a crime!
_______ is actually Batman (only applies to Bruce Wayne's profile)
_______ HAS P.M.S. SO BAD!!!
_______ is giving a BJ right now.
_______ is still pregnant? Not for long...
_______ doesn't like being called clinically obese!!!
_______ is a bit confused about vaginas.
_______ hopes that all the people who weren't invited to my party don't find out about it!
_______ is DRUNKK and JSUT got in the CAR!!1 WHere are myt keys/? (fb mobile shoutout!)
_______ thinks my girlfriend is a BITCH!!!
_______ just slept with my ex because my BOYFRIEND CALLED ME A BITCH ONLINE!!!
_______ is considering a sex change.
_______ still can't believe that I won the scholarship! Thank you, copy and paste!
_______ is naked and eating donuts in bed.
_______ is at work but still totally high...
_______ has swine flu :'(
_______ is bicurious...anyone up for some experimenting?
_______ just noticed the house is on fire!! Calling 911 on skype right now...
_______ is on fire!!!! OMG where are the firefighters? ouch!
_______ just died :(
_______ is resting in peace.
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